


Finding the Right Words

by rosepose



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: AU, Actor!Phil, Amazingphil - Freeform, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, M/M, author!dan, dan is an author, danisnotonfire - Freeform, phil is an actor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2018-07-24 01:18:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 13,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7487721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosepose/pseuds/rosepose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan Howell is an author. A critically acclaimed one. He never thought that at the age of twenty-five he'd see his name featured on bookstore signs . He never thought that anything he wrote would get any recognition. Then it did. And at the peak of his success, all eyes are on him. What could he possibly write next?<br/>Phil Lester is an aspiring actor. Underline the word aspiring. Though Phil has struggled and fought for roles in multiple plays, he still isn't in the position he was dreaming to be in. However, Phil being a bookworm fits perfectly with the position he is in now: a bookstore employee. </p><p>Could they both be what each other was looking for?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

If there was ever a metaphor to describe Phil’s life right now, it would be that he’s stuck on a stationary bicycle. No matter how hard he pedals, he goes nowhere. That’s a depressing thought. For the past three years, he’s been working in a bookstore, barely making enough to cover rent. It’s such a shame. He’d hoped for so much better than this. After getting degrees in both acting and English Language, Phil  moved to London for better opportunities. _You’ll never be an actor, Phil._ That’s the mantra that’s been stuck in his head since he was twelve. And he’s sick of it. He’s been in every play you could imagine. Sometimes he’s the lead, sometimes he’s bush number two. One thing’s for sure, though: Phil Lester _abhors_ being bush number two.

 

In all of Phil’s two years in London, he’s amassed a total of thirteen roles in theater. (None of them were paying.) And zero roles in film, television, or adverts. It just feels like he’s waiting for a break that will never come. He’s almost _thirty_ for goodness sake.

 

His life isn’t all bad, though. After all, a bookstore is a paradise to a book nerd like Phil. Though it’s been repetitive working in the same shop for three years, Phil enjoys his time there. It’s always cozy, quiet, and all the people that come in to shop there are usually quiet and reserved. Over time, Phil learns that not only does he like reading the books on the shelves, but the readers who come into his store. Because they rarely speak, it’s easy for him make up stories about them in his head. He finds it fun to decide what they do, where they’re from, and all the mysteries that lay behind their faces.

 

For example, there’s Susan. Phil doesn’t know if that’s actually her name, but he reckons she looks like a Susan. Susan is an old woman, appearing to be in her mid-seventies. Every Sunday morning, she’ll get tea from the cafe next door and come in to buy a book. She usually goes for something in the science fiction section, which always cracks him up. Sometimes she’ll say a quick hello to Phil in passing, which always makes him smile. A few times, he’s been tempted to greet her with a, “Morning, Susan,” but then he remembers that that isn’t her name and makes himself laugh a little. He thinks that Susan has probably got a few grandkids and a secret stash of a million pounds in her basement from when her now deceased husband was a loan shark back in ‘62. Only she knows about that, however, and she’ll protect the whereabouts of the money with her life.

  


Then there’s Vincent. Every time he walks into the store, he seems to slip away and hide from all other life forms. He comes at around the same time every month, and has sported quite a lot of changes in his appearance like new piercings, vibrant tattoos, and even different hair colors in the time he’s come to the store. Now, Phil isn’t one for stereotyping, but the conclusion he’s come to is that Vincent is on the run from the law. Phil _could_ just be thinking this because he thinks Vincent stole something once, but that just isn’t exciting enough. Yes, Vincent is a criminal on the run. A hitman, to be more specific. However, Phil chooses to believe that Vincent isn’t an _evil_ hitman, but a righteous one who kills horrible people who practice animal cruelty. And even if Phil doesn’t know this to be true, he’ll keep cheering the guy on from the sidelines for his acts of bravery.

 

However, the person who’s caught Phil's interest the most is James. James has dark brown hair and eyes that are a breathtaking shade of brown. He comes in at least once a week, and Phil always looks forward to it. He’ll go straight to the fiction section, spending about ten or fifteen minutes deciding on a book. Phil decides that he must go through a lot of books, considering his frequency in the store. Once James decides on a book he likes, he’ll spend another ten minutes or so pacing up and down the aisle, reading the beginning. Sometimes he’ll even mutter to himself, which, in itself, is a bit alarming. Phil thinks that James might be an alien sent by the starship to learn as much information as possible on the human race, and the muttering is him relaying information to his kind.

 

Phil would love to find out everyone’s real identity. For now, though, that’s a heap of unsolved mysteries he’ll be able to solve in the future.

 

Right now, it’s 6:00 PM, and the store is getting ready to close. A few familiar faces are saying their goodbyes or making their last minute purchases. Another long day of work is coming to a close. Just as the last few people leave, Phil sighs and checks the time on his phone. His shift ended fifteen minutes ago. _Crap,_ Phil thinks. Usually, once a week, he picks out a new book to read, but this time he’s completely forgotten.

 

After shutting off some lights in parts of the store he’s sure he won’t go to for the rest of the night, he walks to the giant shelf with a sign that says ‘featured’ at the front. Phil glances at a few of the books and reads some of their backs before he settles on one.

 

It’s titled **_‘_** _The Summer of Nowhere’_ _._ What an odd name. Phil pays for it at the front and exits the store, happy that he’s able to catch the sunset today. It’s time to head home.

.

 

.

 

Phil opens the door to his flat with a loud creak and shuts it behind him. He makes yet another mental note to fix the door shuffles through the mail that was left outside. “Junk,” he mutters. And by “junk” he means bills. He sets his things down next to the sofa and takes off his shoes, winding down and getting a bit more comfortable. The flickering light fixture above him gave the entire room an eerie feeling that he’s come to grow quite used to.

 

After eating a late dinner and doing his usual nightly routine, he gets in bed and opens his new book, beginning to read.

 

_Chapter 1: Amber_

 

_It was certainly one of the worst days I’d experienced at the time. Well, up until I got home, at least. It didn’t help that the sun was beating down harshly on my back as I walked._

 

In the depths of his pocket, Phil hears his phone ring. Flustered, he reaches around and fumbles for it, finally grasping it. It’s the bookstore. “Y-yes?”

 

“Oh, good, you answered,” a voice says. It’s his boss, the store owner, Axel Brady.

 

“Hi, Axel,” Phil says, holding his breath. He hasn’t done anything wrong, has he?

 

“Phil, you know that jacket of yours? With the galaxies on it?”

 

Phil let’s out a deep breath. “Oh, yeah. Did I leave it again? I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

 

“I should hope not,” Axel says. “Oh! While I’ve got you, I have some exciting news. Next week there’s going to be a book signing at the store!”

 

“That should bring in a lot of customers,” Phil says, smiling.

 

“I know! Isn’t it great? Alright, I won’t keep you. Have a nice night.”

 

“Alright, you too, Axel.”

 

Axel hangs up and Phil resumes the task at hand, picking up his book and using his finger to find where he left off. “Ah, here,” he mumbles to himself.

 

_After what seemed to be the longest winter we’d ever encountered, everyone longed for the summer months to come and thaw us. That day almost broke a record for the hottest day in June._

 

_It was that same day that I met Aaron._

 


	2. The Summer Of Nowhere [Excerpt]

_**The Summer Of Nowhere** _

_Chapter 1:  Amber_

_He was leaning against the tree, an air of nonchalance about him. His sleeves were rolled up and he wore a plain white T shirt. There was some sort of a yellow pendant around his neck. He had dark brown hair that was damp from sweat and sticking to his forehead slightly. Every so often he would look upward, revealing his blue eyes that were partially hidden behind brown strands. His nose was buried in a book whose title I couldn't yet make out at my distance. I had never seen him before, but I assumed he had just moved in next door._

_"Aren't you hot?" I asked, wondering how anyone could stay outside willingly on a day like this._

_"I suppose," he answered me, his eyes never leaving the pages of his book. That's when he did something I wasn't prepared for._

_He chuckled._

_"What?" I asked. Did I miss something?_

_"You aren't used to the heat, are you?"_

_I scoffed. "And you are?" That's when he finally looked up at me. With those incredibly blue eyes._

_A corner of his mouth twitched up slightly in a smile. "If you're so bothered by the sun, why don't you come sit in the shade with me?"_

_"Why would I do that when I can just go inside?"_

_"Suit yourself," he said, returning his attention to the pages of his book._

_So I did sit down next to him, out of curiosity. He made a point not to look at me when I sat, though, which I found strange. "Change your mind?" he asked, smirking a little._

_I ignored it though. Looking over at him I could see his necklace with far greater detail. It was a string of leather with a golden-yellow pendant at the end. And the pendant had a....mosquito in it? "What's that?" I asked, gesturing the necklace._

_That's when he finally looked up. He held it out to me. "Oh, this? It's amber."_

_I smiled and tucked some of my brown locks behind my ears. "I'm Sam," I said._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello! This is an excerpt from the book that Phil buys. There won't be updates every day but the next day after every chapter, we hope to include one of these. Hope you enjoy the story!
> 
> Just a reminder, comments give us life so, uh, PLEASE leave a comment if you liked it even if the comment is just "good." It would literally make our day. Thanks so much! 
> 
> -R and A


	3. Chapter Two

**_Dan_ **

Dan did not expect his life to be anything of significance. Sure, he had hopes and dreams, but he also had the notion ingrained in his mind that they would never be realized. That’s just how life works. So, he convinced himself that if things didn’t work out, he could settle. He could settle, and maybe even be content writing for a newspaper or some online magazine if it paid the bills. He would put his English language degree to use somehow.

 

So, when Dan did put his degree to use by writing two books, he didn’t expect for them to be read by anyone, let alone _millions_.

 

Dan sighs and shuts his Macbook, making his way to the kitchen. He opens the fridge, only to realize that in the midst of his work, he’d forgotten to restock it, leaving only milk, lettuce and two apples. “Pathetic,” he mumbles, shutting the door. He’s about to consider ordering something to eat when his phone chimes with a reminder.

 

It reads, ‘ _News story bbc_ ’.

 

He hurries to the couch and fumbles for the remote. Once his hand clasps around it, he breathes a sigh of relief and turns on the television. Suddenly, he’s being bombarded with an image all too familiar: the cover to his book.

 

_\--where by Dan Howell has been topping the bestseller list. After the book’s initial release last year, an extensive fan base has formed around the novel. And another reason why I think this is so interesting and inspiring is that Dan is only twenty-five, and this is only his second book._

 

_Due to the excitement, several book signings have been scheduled in and around the UK for the coming weeks._

 

_And now for the weather. I---_

 

Dan switches the television off, his mouth slightly ajar. _His book_ was featured on BBC News. Of course, this was no surprise, but part of him still couldn’t believe that it was real.

 

Dan sinks into the sofa with a deep breath, looking around at his new flat. It was far too big. He didn’t need all of this space. He wanted a roommate, but he didn’t exactly need the money. It got sort of...lonely sometimes in London.

 

His phone rings, bringing an abrupt end to his thoughts. He digs around in his pocket for it and answers it. Dan is immediately greeted with a familiar and enthusiastic voice. “Hello, Dan!”

 

“Hey, Mum,” he mumbles.

 

“I was just watching BBC and all of the sudden your book--”

 

Dan chuckles. “I know, Mum, they told me about it in advance. I guess I forgot to mention it to you.”

 

“Oh, Daniel, you have no idea how proud we are of you!”

 

“I know, Mum,” he says. “I-I’ve got to go. I have some work to do.”

 

“Oh, alright. I love you.”

 

“I love you, too, Mum.”

 

Dan frowns a bit. “Proud of you,” he mumbles. _Like they were proud of me when I was struggling to get published?_ He thinks back to a conversation he had with his parents a year and a half ago.

 

_“Dan, I know this is what you want to do, but ‘writing stories’ won’t pay the bills. We’re just worried for you.”_

 

_“You don’t need to_ worry _about me, Dad! I know what I’m doing!”_

 

_“Dan,” his mother says, “we just think that you should put your degree to a more practical use, that’s all.”_

 

_“I’m moving to London,” Dan says suddenly._

 

_“Dan…” his mother says. “But that’s so far a-and--”_

 

_“It’s my decision. I’m leaving the day after tomorrow.”_

 

But in the past year, things have changed, especially his relationship with his parents. Although, he can’t seem to let go of that last bit of resentment for his parents’ initial doubt that he could succeed.

 

Perhaps that’s not important anymore.

 

However well things go, Dan just can’t seem to get the idea out of his head that he has to write something better. He has to write an epic tale, the story to end all stories, so to speak.

 

But so far, he hasn’t written a single word.

 

Dan wakes up the next morning to the harsh sound of his alarm. He unlocks his phone with a groan when he notices his daily reminder to “write something.” Dan grumbles and reaches for his journal on the beside table. He grabs a pen and scribbles, “ _I’m tired._ ” on a random spot on the next blank page.

 

“Yeah, that oughta do it,” he says sarcastically. He just simply isn’t in the mood today to stare at that _stupid_ blank document on his computer for another few hours, deleting everything he manages to write.

 

In all his life, he’s never felt this dissatisfied with himself. That’s a terrible feeling.

 

The past few days have been repetitive and monotonous and it’s sort of driving Dan insane. The days are just blurring together to the point where he can’t tell which is which anymore.

 

Dan carries his journal with him to the kitchen, grabbing an apple from the counter and taking a large bite out of it. He sits at the kitchen table and opens his laptop, quickly closing out of the blank document which he crudely entitled “book 3.”

 

“Ah,” he winces. His back still aches from the hours he spent in this exact position the night before. It doesn’t help that the chairs at his kitchen table are a rather uncomfortable stiff “L” shape. But Dan knows that if he writes in bed, he’ll never leave, so he sucks it up.

 

Dan begins to type.

 

_When I was---_

 

No.

 

_When Anne was---_

 

No.

 

“Fuck!” Dan exclaims, half expecting for someone to tell him to watch his language. But that’s right, he lives alone.

 

Frustrated, he grabs his journal and begins to write.

 

_Finding inspiration is easy. Writing is just plain difficult._

 

_I will be forever dissatisfied with anything that I create. That’s fucking annoying._

 

_It annoys me that I wrote The Summer of Nowhere on a whim, and it turned out to be a success. Apparently I can’t consciously create anything successful._

 

_Dan Howell: The washed up writer who wrote two books and then lost his ability to form sentences._

 

_It seems fitting._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Ah, yes, finally. Dan comes in. :)
> 
> Just a reminder, comments give us life so, uh, PLEASE leave a comment if you liked it even if the comment is just "good." It would literally make our day. Thanks so much!
> 
> -R and A 
> 
> Read on [Wattpad](http://wattpad.com/user/articulatepenguins)  
> 


	4. The Summer of Nowhere - [Excerpt]

**_The Summer of Nowhere_ **

 

_Chapter Two: Stars are Attention Hogs_

 

_“Hey, Sam!” I jumped at the sound of my name. Where had it come from? I looked out the window. It was Aaron._

 

_“H-hey, Aaron,” I called back._

 

_“Come down here! I wanna show you something!” I raised my eyebrows. I’d only known him for a few weeks at that point. We’d spoken a grand total of four times up until that point. Needless to say, I was intrigued._

 

_I walked past my mother who stopped me in the kitchen. “And where are you going?”_

 

_I rolled my eyes. “Outside. Fresh air. Summer things?”_

 

_“And when have you ever wanted to do ‘summer things?’”_

 

_“The, uh, wifi is slow.”_

 

_She raised her eyebrows at me. God, I hated when she did that. “Where are you going, then?”_

 

_“I dunno. Somewhere with Aaron. I’ve gotta go, love you.” I said, and hurried out of the door. Aaron was waiting for me with his bike._

 

_“What is it?” I asked, slightly exasperated. He just laughed at me._

 

_“You’ll need your bike.”_

 

_I rested my hands on my hips. “What for?”_

 

_“I found something really cool and I wanna show it to you.”_

 

_“Why? What is it?”_

 

_He rolled his eyes at me. “It’s a surprise. Are you going to get your bike or not?”_

 

_And so, I did get my bike, after taking a few minutes to dust the cobwebs off of it. I hadn’t used it in a year._

 

_“Where are we going?” I asked._

 

_“You ask a lot of questions don’t you?” he said, starting off down the road. “Can’t anything just be a mystery?”_

 

_“No,” I said. “No, it can’t.” I followed after him._

 

_He sped up, and I pedaled after him. “Patience, Sammy, patience!”_

 

_“I did not give you permission to call me that!” I shouted._

 

_When he slowed down a little, I was able to catch up with him. “It’s Sam,” I insisted._

 

 _He shrugged. “Well,_ Sam _,” he said, stopping. “We’re here.”_

 

_“You brought me to the woods?”_

 

_And he just grinned at me and vanished into the trees._

 

_"Wait for me!" I yelled after him._

 

_"Gotta keep up!"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yay an excerpt! Woo! (Wtf I thought this was a chapter!) pATIence, duckLINGs. These add to the story. At least, we hope they do. Relax, another chapter is on the way, you hungry children. Actually, I think I'm gonna call you all ducklings now. Perfect.
> 
> Leave comments if you liked it and want us to be happy beans. .....pLEaSe?


	5. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: We apologize blah blah this chapter is late yeah, okay. SOZ. Calm down, lil ducklings. There's a chapper right here so enjoy and don't come at us with pitchforks. It's SUMMER and work is hardddd.

**_Dan_ **

 

Dan wakes up the next morning at eight o’clock. It’s a lot earlier than what he’s used to, but that’s due to the occasion. Today’s the day of Dan’s first signing.

 

After changing into an outfit he deems is “just formal enough” for the occasion, Dan drives out to the bookstore. Usually he walks, but he figures it may be safer not to be on foot if there’s going to be a hoard of people waiting to meet him. With every passing second, Dan notices his pulse quickening. He’s excited. He’s about to _meet_ actual people who’ve read and enjoyed his book enough to want to get it signed by the author. _Dan Howell._

 

_Maybe I finally did something right._

 

When Dan gets to the shop, he feels both flattered and nervous to witness the line extending all the way down the block. It’s a generally dreary day, wet and drizzling. The weather fits quite neatly into the London stereotype.Dan feels tremendously bad that they’re all waiting out in the rain for _him_ of all people. He pulls his hood up before approaching the door of the shop, so as to draw the attention of the crowd.  

 

Once inside, he shrugs off his coat and retreats to the fiction section to browse. Or at least, he tries to. He sees who, upon further inspection, seems to be about his height. The man brushes a few jet black hairs out of his blue eyes. Dan thinks he can see some other colors in them as well, but he can’t make them out. Dan looks at the man’s uniform. The nametag reads: Phil.

 

Dan has definitely seen Phil before. And before he knows what’s happened, that very same man runs into him.

 

“Sorry!” Phil apologizes immediately. He scratches his head. “I-I need to watch where I’m going when I’m reading.”

 

Dan chuckles a bit. “Reading on the job? Tsk tsk.”

 

“Oh, well I-I,” Phil stammers.

 

Dan grins. “Don’t worry, I won’t tattle.” His eyes widen when he sees the book in Phil’s hands. It’s _his book_. He clears his throat. “I heard that was a good read.”

 

Phil looks down. “Oh yeah, I’m enjoying it so far.”

 

“I’m Dan,” Dan says, extending his hand. Phil shakes it right away.

 

“Phil.”

 

“I’m here for the, uh, signing.” Dan says.

 

“So then you’re a fan of this book?” Phil smiles. “I hope someone is holding your place in line. It’s crazy out there.”

 

“Uh, no, actually.” Phil looks confused. “I wrote _The Summer of Nowhere_. I’m here to sign the books.”

 

“O-oh.” Phil’s eyes widen.

 

Dan smiles. “I guess I’ll see you later then, Phil.”

.

 

.

 

**_Phil_ **

  


As James - No - Dan sauntered away through the aisles, Phil couldn’t bring himself to move. Even though he was mildly shocked about the fact that he just spoke to the author, he was much more surprised and amused that he finally learned James’s real name - Dan. Phil was especially surprised about the fact that Dan wrote _The Summer of Nowhere._ Overall, it was very confusing and appalling to him.

 

When Phil finally got out of his daze, he quietly ran to the location of the featured books, hoping to confirm that that was indeed Dan Howell and not James or some other man. When he picked up the book, he flipped to the very back of the book, searching any sort of picture of Dan. That’s when he saw it.

 

There it was, crystal clear: a picture of the man he just spoke with. In dull black and white colors, there were his sparkling eyes, side-swept fringe, and gleeful smile. Though he just felt mildly surprised by the incident, he couldn’t help but feel like that small photo was mocking him. It seemed impossible just a second ago that it was him.

 

In the next few hours, Phil is constantly being reminded of the moment he still couldn’t quite wrap his head around. More and more fans of Dan shuffle into building - which at this point seems too cramped because of the waves of people hustling in by the minute. However, Phil was beaming because he’d never seen this much business in the store before. Most people opt to go to the Barnes and Noble a few miles down the road. This was probably one of the most successful days he’s witnessed yet. Even if there weren’t so many people buying books now, they would now be familiar with the store and maybe even come back.

 

Occasionally, people in line engage him in conversation, which is pretty exciting. After a bit of small talk they usually start raving about the book. However, he is careful to steer clear of spoilers, which is good because Phil likes for books to be a complete surprise.

 

Every so often when he becomes a bit overwhelmed from the crowd, Phil retreats to the fiction section, mainly so that he can calm down in a quieter place and pass some time while the line inches forward.

 

After another hour of this process repeating, Phil notices that he can see the end of the line when looking outside the window. It’ll probably take another 15 or more minutes for it to finish up, but he’s growing anxious. He isn’t sure why. Maybe it’s because as the event wraps up, he realizes he might actually come face to face with Dan.

 

When coming to terms with the sudden realization, Phil darts into an absent line of bookshelves and waits. Several agonizing minutes pass, the distant sound of chattering fans slowly fading away. After checking the time on his phone for the umpteenth time, he thinks it’s finally safe to go.

 

Phil slinks silently up the stairs, glancing around to where the signing took place. Relief washes over him. It finally seems to be over. He doesn’t know why he’s acting like this. For some reason he feels the need to avoid James-- _Dan --_ like the plague.

He’s quickly startled from his own thoughts when Axel calls his name on the intercom. “Phil! Would you come to the front please?”

 

Phil doesn’t know what to think. Is he in trouble? Did someone see him slacking off and reading? He really _really_ needs this job.

 

“Yes, sir?” Phil asks when he reaches the front of the store.

 

Axel holds a book out to him. “Mr. Howell left this for you.”

 

The single mention of Dan’s name leaves Phil dazed for a second. “Oh.” Phil lets out a deep breath, his curiosity piquing. “Did he say why?”

 

Axel shakes his head. “No, he didn’t say anything.’

 

Phil mumbles a thank you and retreats to the corner of the store. _Why would Dan give me a copy of the book? I already have one._

 

He opens the book to see big, bold letters written in sharpie.

 

_It was nice bumping into you. Maybe we can get coffee sometime. I’ll see you around._

__\-  :DAN_ _

 

  
Now just what in the _hell_ does that mean?


	6. The Summer of Nowhere - [Excerpt]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Butbut this isn't a chapter! HOW DARE YOU leave me with a cliffhanger and then UPDATE WITH NOT A CHAPTER?! HAVE YOU NO SOUL? ;-; 
> 
> You guys should know the pattern by now. Chapter, excerpt, chapter, excerpt.
> 
> aka: chapter:), excerpt >:{[, chapter:), excerpt >:{[, chapter:), excerpt >:{[
> 
> This picks up directly after the last part. Enjoy. (home depot is fresh out of pitchforks, just checked.) o-o (walmart too)

_**The Summer of Nowhere** _

_ Chapter Two: Stars Are Attention Hogs _

_ I trudged along after him, thinking he was absolutely insane. “It's gonna get dark!” I said. _

 

_ He turned around. The light from the sunset reflected beautifully off of his blue eyes, but at the time I supposed it was unusual for me to notice such a thing. I directed my gaze at a tear in the leg of his jeans instead. “That's the whole point!” He laughed at me. _

 

_ “For God’s sake, could you just stop being so cryptic for a moment?” _

 

_ Aaron adjusted his glasses. “Why would I? It's so much fun!” _

 

_ I glared at him, but I couldn't hold it it for long. Not when he was grinning at me like that. _

 

_ After a few more minutes of me trailing behind him, he stopped abruptly. I bumped into the back of him, losing my balance. I would have toppled over completed had he not been there to catch me. “Why did you stop?!” I asked him, incredulous. _

 

_ “We’re here!” He pointed to the treeline. It actually took me a moment to find it, but when I did, I just stood and gaped at it. It was the largest, most winding oak tree I’d ever seen. And in that oak tree...was a treehouse. It didn’t look very stable, but I guess you could say that Aaron’s excitement overrode my worry at that moment in time. _

 

_ He scoffed at me. “It’s safe. I’ve been up there a thousand times.”  _

 

_ I looked at the structure again. “There’s a hole in the roof.” _

 

_ Aaron raised his eyebrows at me. “So?” He began to climb the wooden rungs that were hammered into the tree, holding onto a hanging rope for support. Once he made it inside, he yelled after me, “It’s getting dark, Sammy, c’mon!” _

 

_ I groaned, but eventually followed him into the treehouse. And I held onto that knotted rope for dear life. Aaron laughed at. “Any day now.” _

 

_ Upon my eventual arrival, I made sure to give him a good punch in the arm. He rubbed the spot where I hit him with a pouty expression. “Owww!” _

 

_ “Wuss.” I said. _

 

_ “Oh yeah, says the one who’s afraid to climb a tree.” _

 

_ “Hey,” I said in a defeated voice. “It’s dark now,” I note. “What time is it, nine?” _

 

_ He nods at me and gestures to the floor. “Look,” he said, lying down with his hands resting on his stomach. I lied next to him, attempting to follow his gaze. _

 

_ “What am I looking at?” _

 

_ “The stars, Sammy.” _

 

_ I groaned in frustration. “My na--” _

 

_ “Sam. Got it.” he interrupted me. I looked up again. It really was beautiful. _

 

_ “Why come all the way up here to see the stars?” I asked, tilting my head.  _

 

_ “Well, Samuel,” he said, but this time I was too lazy to correct him. I supposed it sounded better when  _ he _ said my given name rather than my parents. “There’s less light pollution here. You can see the stars better.” _

 

_ “Oh,” I managed, not looking at the stars anymore. I was mesmerized by the way the moonlight illuminated his face. He looked at me.  _

 

_ “Stars are attention hogs aren’t they?” He grinned. “Everything revolves around them.” _

 

_ I was caught so off guard by this statement that I burst into laughter, elbowing him all the while. “Nice pun,” I say sarcastically. _

 

_ “I’m full of them,” he says. “But really, I think that if the stars could think, all they would want is to be seen. To be gazed at. They’d want to be told that they’re beautiful. They’d be insecure, just like us.” _

 

_ I just gaped at him. “I never thought I’d hear something so profound come out of the mouth of a fifteen year old boy.” _

  
_ He chuckled. “Me neither.” _

****


	7. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: ikikikikik it's been a while.

_**Phil** _

It’s been six days since the signing and business is booming. In comparison to weeks and even months before, over twice the amount of people they usually have is now flooding in and out the bookstore’s doors. Phil is soaked in a new sense of refreshment and liveliness at the sight of new customers. However, it’s a bit short lived when Phil sees a noticeable change in the numbers of people. That isn’t all bad, though. It just gives him even more time to lounge off to the side and read books.

Today, it’s a bit different, however. Phil is standing behind the cash register, fingers rapping relentlessly against the wooden counter. Every few seconds he glances over to the door, waiting for a familiar figure to pop in, but now he’s just losing hope. Phil checks the time again: it’s 4 PM. He’s certain that Ja--Dan would have stopped in by now because today is a Tuesday. Dan always comes in on Tuesdays - always. He can’t understand why he misses him so much. For goodness sake, they’ve only met once. Maybe it’s because of the note. It has to be because of the note.

He opens his copy of the book and rereads the scrawled black letters over and over, silently interrogating the sentences. He’d love to get coffee with Dan but a time and a place had never been mentioned. Though it’s almost adorably mysterious, Phil is still stressing over it to the point where he’s been thinking of it most of the day while working.

“Hello?” A woman says, awaking Phil from his own thoughts.

“Huh-hm?”’

She narrows her eyes at him. “I’d like to buy these.”

“Oh! Right, yes.” He puts the items on the scanner, careful to avoid the woman’s deathly glare.

“Th-that’ll be £12.58," he stutters.

______________________

_Dan_

Dan takes a deep breath. The line is at its end and it’s down to the very last people. Dan smiles as he sees two girls, around the age of fifteen, eagerly walking up to him with their books.

“Hello,” he says to them, beaming. “How are you?”

One of them laughs a bit. “Tired.”

Dan scratches the back of his neck. It has been several hours since the signing started. “Oh, I’m sorry about that.”

“No, no, it’s okay!” they assure him.

He takes their books with a smile and signs both of the inside covers in big, bold letters.

_:DAN HOWELL_

The girls grin and look at their books. “Wait,” one of them says. “That’s so cool!”

“Hm?” Dan asks.

“You make your name into a little smiley face!”

“Oh, yeah,” Dan says. “You’re the first person to say anything.”

“Really?” Dan nods, and the girls wave at him as they leave. He tells them to have a nice day.

He rubs his eyes. He’s tired, but at least this is the last signing. Not that that’s a good thing. Dan loves meeting his fans.

Dan slouches further into his comfy hotel chair, scrolling through the endless posts on twitter about _The Summer Of Nowhere_ and the tour. His eyes light up every time he sees one of the smiling fans, vaguely remembering their visit depending on if it was one of the more recent signings or not.

Dan sees a notification pop up on his screen. He gets lots of notifications but this one catches his eye. _AmazingPhil followed you._ It reminds him of Phil, so he taps it. Dan’s eyes widen.

The profile picture is of a beautiful guy with piercing bluish eyes and jet black hair. It _is_ Phil. _His_ Phil.

 _Not your Phil_ , Dan silently reprimands himself, but he grins and follows him back. Dan briefly considers direct messaging Phil but decides against it. He doesn’t know what he would say. That’s when he gets another notification.

AmazingPhil tweeted: _Wow, @DanHowell followed me back! One of my favorite authors, thank you!_

Dan smiles and likes the tweet.

He sighs. He misses home. This, he can’t understand. Dan lives alone in his flat. He has no friends or relatives in London. What is there to miss? What, besides a shiny flat and a few possessions makes London his home?

 _Nothing_. Dan shudders at the thought. His flat is just a flat. It can’t be his home.

Homes are filled with people who love you. Dan decides that he needs a person. Either a person or a dog. He grins. _Or both._

When Dan awakes the next morning, he opens his laptop. To his dismay, he finds that he’s left his barren document open. He sighs with frustration. Why isn’t he inspired yet? Usually Dan has a million different ideas running around in his head on a regular basis. Now, there’s nothing.

That scares Dan. A lot. He checks the time on his phone, and realizes he has to catch a train in an hour anyway, so he packs his things. Dan whispers a little, “Goodbye,” to the room before he exits.

____

When he get’s back to his flat, he collapses immediately on his bed, taking in the familiar smells and surroundings of his own room. He smiles and gets out his phone.

@DanHowell tweeted: _Just got home from seeing all of you lovely people on the book tour. Thanks to everyone that attended and to everyone who’s read #TheSummerOfNowhere <3 If you attended one of the signings, tweet in pictures as I’ll be retweeting them. :)_

_AmazingPhil and 1,058 others liked your tweet_

Dan smiles. He taps on Phil’s profile and presses the direct message icon.

Dan Howell: _Hi Phil_

Phil Lester: _oh dan! Hi!_

Dan Howell: _I was just wondering if we were still on for that coffee? I would have asked you in person but I didn’t get home before the store closed._

Phil Lester: _yeah of course!_

Dan’s breath hitches. What even were his intentions with Phil? Why did he say yes?

He supposed that this was sort of a gray area. Coffee can mean one of two things.

1) let’s get to know each other better

2) I’m attracted to you so let’s go on a casual date.

_What’ll it be, Daniel, one or two?_

The truth is, Dan has no idea.

Phil Lester: _how’s tomorrow at three? That’s my lunch break. The cafe next door?_

Dan bites his lip.

Dan Howell: _sounds great!_

He throws his phone down on the bed. “Daniel, what have you done?”

Did Daniel James just set up a _date_? _Of course not. It isn’t a date, no one said it was a date, it isn’t a date. You don’t even know if he likes guys! It’s not a date._

_Phil_

Phil’s eyes widen during the exchange. He has a date. An actual one with a person. If you haven’t already guessed, this is quite a momentous occasion for Phil. His last relationship was two years ago will a girl called Cait. However, it ended after a year when she moved to Brighton.

Phil doesn’t really like to think about that.

But wow, a date. _It’s just coffee, Phil, pull yourself together_.

_______

Dan furrows his brow and stares at the document again. Determined, he begins to type.

_Colours. They’ve always fascinated me. Everything has a colour. And that’s why I took up painting, I suppose. To capture the world in all its glory. I knew I wasn’t the best painter, but that sure as hell didn’t stop me. I painted whatever I could, whenever I could. It made me feel alive._

_It’s ironic, really. I never thought my passion would end up being my downfall._

That’s okay, isn’t it. Dan knows he’ll probably change it later, but he’s happy to have written something. He likes to write short blurbs that represent the theme of the story and the characters’ personalities.

Dan sighs. _At this rate, I’ll have the book written in ten years. Don’t expect to be remembered. Dan. You won’t be._

He raises his hand to shut his laptop, but he stops short. His fingers are typing again. He doesn’t think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: back from the war, are we? soz.
> 
> leave comments/kudos for our eternal happiness
> 
> what's that? you don't care? ok then....;-;


	8. The Summer of Nowhere [Excerpt]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BAHAHAHAHA you thought I died. Close, I started high school. There's nO TimE FOR ANYTHING. But not to worry I didn't forget about my lil ducklings. I hope you didn't forget about meeee.
> 
> Buy lots of popcorn guys you know what comes out tomorrow :))))))))))))

_ The Summer of Nowhere _

 

_ Chapter Six _

 

_ August was nearing. August was nearing and I hated it. I hated school. No one particularly liked me. It was July 29th. Simply put, I was upset. _

 

_ “Sam! Aaron's here!” _

 

 _I groaned, despairing at the thought of getting out of bed. I checked the time._ _Eight-thirty. “This better be important,” I mumbled._

 

_ I slipped on a pair of shorts and the first shirt I found lying on the floor. “What does he want?!” I called, slightly exasperated. _

 

_ “Well why don’t you come down here and find out for yourself?!” God, I hated it when my mother got like that. I stumbled down the steps and into the kitchen. Aaron was sitting at the breakfast bar, sipping orange juice. _

  
  


_ He smirked at me. “Finally awake, I see.” _

 

_ I ignored him. “So. you’ve already made yourself at home.” _

 

_ He didn’t answer for a moment. “Hang out with me today.” _

 

_ I furrowed my eyebrows. “Why?” _

 

_ He finished the last of his drink and stood. “Why not?” _

_ “H-have you got anything planned?” _

 

_ He shrugged at me. “Come on.” _

 

_ “But, I...chores--” _

 

_ “Your mom already said it was fine. She said, ‘Go right ahead, Samuel doesn’t spend enough time outside.’” _

 

_ “Liar!” I managed, but I knew it was something she would say. Aaron just raised his eyebrows at me. I could tell he was amused. “It isn’t funny,” I pouted. _

 

_ “Actually--” _

 

_ “Shut up.” We stood there a moment before I said, “Well, then where are we going.” _

 

_ He pulled me by my arm. “C’mon. You’ll see. Get your bike.” _

 

_ W arrived at a house. I assumed it was his. It was white with black shutters on the front. It looked pretty standard to me. “Is this where you live?” _

 

_ He took off his helmet. “We’ve got a genius over here.” _

 

_ I glared at him and he smiled at me with those unusually blue eyes. I followed him up to his front porch and he kicks his shoes off. I did the same, cautiously following him inside.  _

 

_ All of the floors were polished hardwood, and with my socks on I didn’t make a sound. He shushed me. “We have to be quiet,” he whispered, “John is sleeping.” _

 

_ “Who’s John?” I asked,  but he didn’t answer. I opened my mouth to ask again when I was interrupted. _

 

_ “My baby brother.”  As if Aaron had the power to summon the small boy with his mind, he appeared, bleary eyed and confused. He looked to be about five. Aaron crouched next to him. “Hey, why aren’t you asleep?” John reached up and felt Aaron’s face, which I found odd. _

 

_ “A-aaron?” John whimpered. _

 

_ Aaron hugged his brother. “I’m here, I’m here.” _

 

_ “I had a b-bad dream. A-and you weren’t in your room! And Mommy’s door was l-locked,” the boy cried. Aaron hugged him close, whispering soothingly to him. _

 

_ “Play me a song, please,” the boy said. _

 

_ “Okay,” Aaron said, grabbing his brother’s hand and leading him to the piano. John never held a gaze on any one thing, he only turned his head in Aaron’s direction when he spoke. That’s when I understood. _

 

_ Aaron played a soft lullaby that I’d never heard before. I was mesmerized at the sight of his swift fingers on the keys and the soft sound they created. John was asleep in a few minutes, but Aaron continued to play. I thought maybe it was because I was there. _

  
_ So I listened. I listened with awe and contentment. With admiration, and maybe something else. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me comments so I don't go insane.  
> Seriously please. Comments are my only motivation to write.
> 
> I HAZ YOUTUBE [subscuirbee pls](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCc_lxG3n27ny-tyv1-4EsBQ)


	9. Chapter Five

Phil

Phil unlocks the store with smile. Today is going to be a good day. Business in the store is great, he has a date for the first time in years. Things are looking up, and so he smiles when Axel walks through the door, his head hung low and says, “Morning, Axel!”

Axel jerks his head up in surprise. He squints in Phil’s direction and yawns. “Good morning, Phil,” he grumbles in response.

“Alright, sir?” Phil asks, frowning. 

“Don’t you worry about me, Phillip, let’s get the store open.”

And so Phil obliges. He unlocks the front gate of the store and rolls it up. He was always fascinated by the way the sunlight would just pour in every morning, like someone has flipped a switch and it was finally daytime. He walks past the aisles and aisles of books, resisting the urge to pick one up. 

____________

Dan

Dan’s alarm blares, brutally ripping him from his deep slumber. “Jesus,” he mutters, feeling around his nightstand for his phone. He blinks a few times to bring everything into focus. It’s 8:30am. He wonders for a moment why on Earth he’d be awake at such an ungodly hour on a Saturday morning.

Oh, right. Phil. Dan starts to panic. What is he supposed to wear? What is he supposed to say? Why did he do this to himself? Dan doesn’t know how to date women, let alone men. He used to think it’d be easier to date guys, but in this moment, that doesn’t seem true. Dan wishes he had friends. Just one or two. Someone to guide him through these kinds of situations. Alas, he has been granted with no such luck. 

Okay, Dan thinks, I have until three to prepare. He looks in the mirror and makes a face of disgust. He hasn’t showered in almost a week. He’d like to be able to say that it’s because he was so caught up in writing, but that isn’t quite true. He’s been caught up staring at a screen and wondering why his brain isn’t producing words.

Dan sighs and opens the blinds in his room. He squints against the morning light and takes in the beautiful view of his city. London. Dan has never been happier to call anyplace his home. 

He stares out the window a moment and looks beyond the first few rows of buildings. For some reason, it terrifies him to think that somewhere in between all of the roads and buildings and people, is the book store. It’s just a few blocks away. He could walk there now…

No, why would he? Is he anxious to see Phil?

Dan decides he’ll answer that later.

__________  
Phil

“Excuse me?” says a small voice. Phil doesn’t hear it, what with his nose buried in a book. So it sounds again, “Excuse me, mister?” There’s a tug on his pant leg. 

Phil looks down to see a little girl with jet-black hair a deep brown eyes. “Hi,” Phil crouches to speak to her. 

She frowns a little. “I can’t find my mum. W-we were looking at the b-books, a-and….” Tears fill in her eyes and Phil’s heart melts.

“I reckon we’ll be able to find her,” he says, assuring her. The girl grabs onto his hand as they make their way to the front of the store. Phil gets to the register and asks the girl her name. 

“Annie,” she replies timidly. 

“Right, okay.” He switches the store microphone on and clears his throat. “Excuse me, could anyone missing an Annie please come to the front of the store?”

A few moments later and Annie is reunited with her mother and they leave, waving him goodbye. Phil smiles at them, unable to stifle the feeling of longing in his stomach.

_______

It’s almost lunchtime and Phil can feel the anxiety building in his chest. You’re being silly, he tells himself.

A moment later, he stops when he realizes that the books he’s been putting on the shelves were copies of Dan’s book. Phil shivers. How did he not notice that? It’s the sound of Axel’s voice that breaks him from his state of shock. 

“Phil, can I..speak with you a moment?” Phil nods, but tilts his head in confusion. Axel was using his worried tone that he usually used when he leaves Phil to lock up.

“Don’t forget to turn off the light in the storeroom!”

“Uh huh.”

“And lock it!”

“Yep!”

“And enable the alarm!”

“Yes, sir.”

“Lock the register!”

“Got it. Sir.”

Phil follows Axel into his office. It was always a pleasure to be in there, at least in Phil’s opinion. Back in Axel’s day, he traveled the world, and there are so many amazing pictures lining the walls. He stares tentatively at the one on the desk, of Axel and his wife at the base of Mount Fuji in Japan.

The chair he’s sat in is uncomfortable. Like it’s had one too many uses and the cousin is so worn that it’s all but useless. The leather on the armchair is cracked, and it leaves little indentations on Phil’s forearms.

“‘Phil…God, I really didn’t want to tell you this…”

Phil’s head snaps up. “W-what is it?”

“Phil....I’m closing the store.”

“What?! Why?!”

“We’re going under! I’m in too much debt to keep this place afloat.”

“But business has been so good lately!”

“Yeah, it has. That thing with Howell was lucky...but it wasn’t enough. Things have been declining for a while. No small boost in business can fix it. People just haven’t been coming.”

“So...what happens now?”

“ It really has been a pleasure, knowing you. You’ve always been my best employee, I want you to know that. We’ll have a clearance sale to try and cut our losses...and we’ll be closed by the first of next month.”

“But...Mr. Brady--”

“Call me Axel, Phil, I won’t be your boss for much longer.”

“This is my livelyhood! I’ve worked here for years!”

Axel straightens his tie in an attempt not to look Phil in the eye. “Yes, well….it appears you’ll have to look elsewhere, now.”

How will I cover rent? Phil lived in a pretty nice flat, and he was lucky to have acquired it. Finding a decent space in London was no easy feat to accomplish. But it was pricey, almost too much for him to handle. But he’s never missed a payment. What will happen now?


	10. Chapter Six

Phil stumbles around the corner to the cafe, figuring that it was too late to cancel lunch as Dan was probably already there. He’s in no condition to get to know someone right now, but he at least owed Dan an explanation.

He opens the door and his heart sinks. Dan’s dressed in a nice jacket and shoes, and he just looks so put together. Phil looks down at himself and realizes he should have changed out of his work clothes.

Reluctantly, Phil sets aside his nerves and joins Dan at the table.

“Hi!” Dan says, his face lighting up. “How have you been?”

Phil sighs and tries to decide whether to burden. “O-okay,” Phil manages. “I actually, uh, just wanted to come tell you that... I have to go home and take care of some things.”

Dan frowns. “It’s nothing to do with you,” Phil adds quickly. “I just, uh, I just got some bad news and I’m not really feeling up to...well anything right now.”

Dan nods and says nothing for a moment, then looks up at Phil with his lip curled slightly into a smirk. “Well, you know what I do when I get bad news?”

Phil lets out a soft chuckle. “What?”  
Dan pushes a cup towards Phil. “I have a cup of tea.”

Phil laughs. “Alright, you’ve convinced me.” He takes a sip.

“I didn’t know what kind you prefer, so I just got you black, if that’s okay.”

“Perfect.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, what is this bad news you’ve received?”

“I, uh, was fired. Or let go, however you want to put it. The bookstore is closing.”

Dan’s eyes widen. “That’s horrible! I thought the signing would help so I--”

“It did help a lot in the short term. But not much was going to change.”

“Phil, I…”

“Axel paid good money as well, I don’t know if I can get a job in time to cover rent next month..”

The gears start turning in Dan’s head. “You know, if...if it comes to that, I was actually going to start looking for a roommate. It would be nice to have someone I’m already acquainted with…”

Phil’s lips curl into a smile. “Are you asking me to move in with you on the first date?”

Dan laughs. “Well it sounds weird when you put it like that. I mean you’d pay half of rent and utilities but yeah I guess that’s what I’m saying.”

“I guess I will...think about it.”

“So, tell me about yourself, AmazingPhil.”

Phil grins. “I made that twitter account when I was 18 I guess I just never got around to changing the name.”

“Why change it? I think it’s fitting.”

“Thank you.” Phil blushes and laughs.

Dan smiles and says, “You're cute, you know that?”

“Me? Cute? Oh no, see, I was thinking of changing my username to ManlyManLester. What do you think?”

“It's horrible. Stop changing the subject, _CutiePiePhillip_.”

“Alright, I...do a bit of theatre. I graduated from uni with an English language degree that's opening loads of doors for me. I...have never dated a man before.”

“Interesting.” Dan says playfully. “Are you planning to?”

“Maybe.” Phil says cautiously. He pauses. “Why'd you say ‘interesting’ like that?”

“Well,” Dan answers incredulously, “you're a very handsome guy. To have never dated a man… I mean they must be all over you.” Dan says, getting flustered.

“I guess I'm not very...open?”

“Oh. Yeah, yeah I get it.” Dan clears his throat.

“Enough about me, what about you? What made you want to become an author? Why did you write _The Summer of Nowhere_?”

Dan takes a deep breath. “Well, I guess I just had so many, just, ideas floating around in my head and I wanted... _needed_ a way to make sense of it. And so I discovered writing. I never thought it was very good but there's something unique about it that keeps drawing me back. And as for _The Summer Of Nowhere_ , it's the book I wish existed when I was growing up. You know something that tells you, I guess, ‘this is okay, you're not alone.’”

“Wow.”

Dan laughs nervously. “I should save that for my interview, actually.”

“Interview?”

“Oh I'm going on the BBC to talk about the book. They want to talk about the “impact I'm making on the LGBTQ community.”

“That's incredible, Dan.”

“I know, I know, I'm so nervous.”

“You have no reason to be. You'll do great.”

“I hope so, you know, with the gay youth now looking to me for guidance.” Phil smiles widely and Dan’s breath hitches. “Phil, I hope this isn't too forward...would it be okay if I invited you back to mine? I-it can be totally professional, just...the landlord showing around a prospective tenant. what do you say?”

Phil has no idea what possesses him to say, “Okay.”

“Wonderful.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi so I'm no longer cowriting this fic, so it's all me. It's been hard to find time to write but I had to write another chapter because I found the inspiration again. Please leave a comment because otherwise I won't have any reason to write. :/


	11. Summer of Nowhere {excerpt}

_Chapter 7: we’re normal, right?_

_“Sam?_

_Sam?”_

_Sam!”_

_“What!” I stopped walking and turned to look at Aaron. “What?”_

_“You haven't said a word since we went to my house, did I do something?”_

_“No, no…”_

_“What is it, then?”_

_“Nothing, I just, you were so good with your brother. I got a little upset.”_

_“What? Sam, you don't have to feel bad for my brother. He's always been blind, since birth. It's all he knows.”_

_“Oh. Sorry,” I stuttered._

_“It's okay.” Aaron put his hind on Sam’s shoulder. I shuddered at the touch. “You okay?”_

_I nodded. “Let's go back to the treehouse. I wanna show you something.”_

_Aaron walked close to me. I bumped into him from time to time so our arm would brush against each other. I wondered what would happen if I took his hand in mine._

  
_“What did you want to show me?”_

_I rummaged through the chest in the corner of the treehouse and pulled out a yellow folder. “They're some of my paintings and drawings.”_

_“I didn't know you did art.”_

_“Sometimes I do. It's nice to draw out here. And now I have a safe place to keep them.”_

_“Not very safe when it rains.”_

_“They won't get wet in there.” I sunk down into the floor and began sifting through the paper. Aaron sat next to me and I felt comforted by his presence. No one was allowed to see my art. I guess there was just something special about him._

_“What's that one?” Aaron stopped my hand. “Who is it?” The drawing was of a boy with wild hair. He was smiling._

_“It's no one.” I said, nervous._

_Aaron furrowed his brow. “Not to you. Who is it?”_

_“It's just a boy I…” I looked down at my hands._

_“It's okay. You can tell me.” He said, sensing that I was anxious._

_I took a deep breath. I had never told anyone. What would he think about me? Would he still like me? Finally I decide I've got nothing to lose. “It's a boy I used to have a crush on.”_

_“Oh.” He paused. “I have a crush on a boy too.”_

_“Oh. Who is it?” I said, finally looking at him._

_Aaron smirked at me. “Wouldn't you like to know?”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to start posting regularly. 1 comment = 1 self esteem boost


	12. Chapter Seven

Phil

Phil isn't religious. Phil isn't religious but he says a prayer as they exit the cafe. He prays that he didn't get himself into trouble. He prays that he'll know what to do if something happens.

Dan

Dan wants to hold Phil's hand. He contemplates doing it, for maybe it could calm some of the nervousness he feels radiating off of his companion. Or maybe it will worsen his current state. There's no way to tell. What are we supposed to talk about? Oh god, did I even make my bed?

He settles for putting his hand on Phil's shoulder. He smiles at him. “It's okay, don't be nervous.”

“I live just a few streets away, we don't need to take the tube.”

Phil  
  
I wish he would smile at me like that all the time.

Stop it, Phil!

“I'm not nervous,” he assures Dan. Phil reaches to take Dan's hand off of his shoulder but the action causes both of them to stop and stare and their connected appendages. It's as if the additional touch was some sort of shock to their systems. Phil looks at Dan and takes a deep breath, smiling wide. “Hello, James.” he mutters to himself.

“Did you just call me James?” Dan asks, puzzled.

“No!”

Dan laughs. “I think you did. How'd you know that's my middle name?”

“I d-didn't. That's the name I gave you. You'd always walk around muttering to yourself every day and I give names to all the frequents. Or I guess I used to… Is James really your middle name?” They start walking again.

“Yep.”

“Daniel James.”

“Don't call me that.”

“Danny?”

“No.”

“Dannysaurus Rex?”

Dan

Dan laughs again. It's been awhile since someone made him laugh so much. He's adorable.

“No. Try again.

“Daniel?”

“Yes, Phillip?”

“Touché.” Dan stops abruptly and Phil stumbles a little.

“What?” He asks.

“Look.”

“At what?”

“Over there. It’s people carrying Pride flags.”

“Okay?”

“Well doesn't that mean we should kiss?”

Phil coughs a little in surprise at his proposition. “Uh...no? I mean it's not mistletoe. It's not even above our heads.”

“Ever heard of Christmas in July?”

Phil smirks. “No.”

“I just think we should pay our respects to those gays that which came before us and exercise our rights. It is Pride after all.”

Phil chuckles and puts Dan’s hand in his. “Happy Pride, Daniel,” he says, shaking his head.

“I'll take it.”

_____

Phil

Phil is in awe when dan opens the door to his flat. It's so big! I could live here? I couldn't afford it!

There's several glass panes giving sight to the balcony and, in turn, a beautiful cityscape. Phil’s flat doesn't have a balcony, it has a window facing a busy road.

“Wow.” Phil says.

“I don't know why I got a place this big, it's so lonely… You know I never imagined all of this would come from a book I wrote in a month.”

“A month? It's 300 pages!”

“Well, that's how long the first draft took, anyway. I just couldn't stop typing, if that makes any sense.” He plops down on the sofa and motions for Phil to sit next to him.  
“You haven't got anywhere to be, have you?”

“No, not really. I've got work tomorrow but my shift isn't until one.”

“Well, I was thinking we could watch a movie. That is, if you want to.”

“I don't really know how this is supposed to go.”

“Well,” Dan says, “in my experience, it tends to go however you want it to.” He scoots a bit closer but not enough so that they'd touch.

“Oh.”

Dan picks up the remote and starts shuffling through movies. “So have you made a decision?”

“What? About what?” Phil asks, completely caught off guard.

“About the movie?” Dan smiles at how flustered Phil is getting.

“Oh. No, I wasn’t really paying attention.”

Dan chuckles softly. “I gathered.” He scoots a bit closer. Phil is oblivious.

“You know, why don’t you just pick something?”

“Not as interesting, but if you insist.” Dan selects a romantic comedy, hoping to get a rise out of Phil.

“No, this isn’t going to be one of those movies where the guy realizes he made a big mistake and sneaks past the airport security line to convince her not to go, is it?”

“Afraid so.”

“But it’s so predictable.”

“Well if you’ve got a better suggestion I’m all ears.”

Phil looks over at Dan’s smug grin and he can’t help but laugh. “Fine.”  
____

  
Dan

Phil’s head is on Dan’s shoulder, and he’s snoring softly. Dan watches in awe. He’s so beautiful. He dreads that he'll have to wake him.

He shakes phil gently. “Phil?”

“Mmm what?”

He chuckles. Phil looks so adorable. “Were you planning on spending the night?”

“What? What time is it?”

“12:30.”

“Oh. Well I guess I could get the tube…” He yawns.

“I've got a spare room.”

“Well I wouldn't want to overstay my welcome.” He says with a touch of worry.

“It's no problem.” Phil doesn't look convinced. “Really. It's not.”

“Okay. If you say so.”

_____

Dan rummages through the linen closet, looking for a blanket. He stops when he sees something he hasn’t in a long time. He pulls it out and throws it over his shoulders, breathing in the faded scent.

“Nice cape.” Phil says from the end of the hall.

“It's...it was a gift from a long time ago.”

“Oh.” Dan drops the blanket and pulls another from the linen closet.

“Reckon this'll do.” He pauses. “Follow me, I will, er, tuck you in.” Dan says with a smirk.

“Oh would you?”

Dan opens the door to his right. “Your accommodations for the night.”

“Thank you, good sir.” Phil says, standing in the doorway.

After an awkward silence, Dan clears his throat. “I'll just, er….” he trails off, pointing to his bedroom. “If you need anything.”

Dan turns and leaves, managing to get halfway down the hall to his room. He stops.

“You know, I forgot something.” Dan retraces his steps and meets Phil at the doorway again.

“What did you forg--” Phil is cut off when his mouth is being covered by Dan’s lips.

“Are you sure you want to stay in the spare room?” Dan breathes.

“Thought you'd never ask, honestly.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	13. the summer of nowhere {excerpt}

Chapter 9: Catastrophe

 

_“Where have you been, Samuel?”_

 

_When my mother said my real name, it meant I was in trouble. “Nowhere. Just out.”_

 

_“Out with who? And why have you got such a goofy grin on your face?”_

 

_I stopped smiling when she pointed it out, but I could feel my emotions leaking through onto my face again._

 

_“Out by myself.”_

 

_“Right. I bet you were with that boy again. If he’s going to make you miss dinner every night then I think you should pick another friend.”_

 

_I let out a deep, long sigh. It was one of the ones that I knew would irritate my mother even further. I didn’t care. It’s not like she understood how I was feeling. How could she?_

 

 _“Samuel Jonathan Harris.” I froze. Now I was_ really _in trouble. “Where were you?”_

 

_I gulped. “With Aaron.”_

 

_“Well I hope you had a good time. You won’t be seeing him for a while.”_

 

_“Mum! Please! He’s my only friend!”_

 

_“You should have considered that before you came home at midnight, Sam. Honestly, what do you two even do together?_

 

_I tensed up, ready to scream. Never had I felt so angry. Tears began to flood in my eyes, against my will. “You don’t get to do that! You’re always taking people from me! You’re the reason Dad moved away! Because you were always so bloody rotten to him!”_

 

_I saw the hurt form in my mother’s face and instantly regretted my words. I didn’t mean them, of course I didn’t. Now she was beginning to cry too. “Well, Samuel, I’m sorry you feel that way but this is the way things are. Go to your room, please.”_

 

_In hindsight, I should have listened to her. But I didn’t. I walked right out the door and let her call after me. “Where do you think you’re going?!" I was going to my safe space._

 

_Grabbing my bike from the garage, I felt it begin to rain. “Good,” I thought to myself, and rode off down the road. Why was he so important to me?_


	14. Chapter Eight

 

When Phil awakes, he’s  clutching Dan’s torso, the soft fabric of his companion’s night shirt pressing against his cheek. His eyes widen.  _ That’s right. _ He recalls the events of last night, a smile spreading across his face. Phil’s own clothes are damp with sweat from the heat of their joined bodies.  _ It’s too hot to be sleeping with a blanket _ , he thinks. Carefully, he takes his hands off of Dan, his fingers lingering for a moment on his chest.

 

Phil gently peels the blanket off of him and rolls over, placing his feet on the floor. Dan rolls over into the empty space Phil has left, as if searching for the lost warmth. Phil smiles.

_______________

 

Dan jolts awake. “Huh?” He rubs his eyes. He had another nightmare. He looks around the room. “Phil?”  _ I guess he left. _ Dan wouldn’t have taken Phil as the kind of guy who’d sneak out in the morning. However, Dan second guesses his theory when he catches wind of a familiar smell.

 

He shoves the blanket off of him and stands up, only to fall back down again from dizziness. Sometimes he doesn’t remember that he needs to get up slowly. As he reels from the fall, he notices a familiar smell. 

 

“Are those...pancakes?” Dan rubs his eyes and goes to the doorway, looking down the hall. “Phil?” he calls.

 

“Oh, you’re awake! Come out here, I made breakfast!”

 

“Wait, what?” Dan mumbles. He walks into the kitchen, his jaw becoming unhinged as he witnesses the sight before him. Phil (a  _ sweaty  _ phil) cooking him breakfast?

 

“Oh, hey. I figured I’d do this as sort of a gesture to repay you for being so, uh... _ hospitable. _ ” Phil blushes visibly. He sets down a plate of pancakes and bacon at the breakfast bar. Dan takes a seat at a stool.

 

“So listen, I...don’t want you to feel as if you’ve got any sort of obligation or…”

 

“Dan, I just wanted to be nice. You could have sent groggy, sleep-deprived Phil on his merry way, but you didn’t. And it’s not as if we..slept together or anything. I mean we did-- ugh you know what I mean.” Phil pauses. “Thank you for that, by the way.” he says seriously. “I mean, I suspect that after you kissed me I probably would have been...easily swayed. So thank you for recognizing that I wasn’t..you know--”

 

“Got it.” Phil breathes a sigh of relief and takes a seat next to Dan with another plate. “So…”

 

“So…” Phil mimics, biting into his bacon.

 

“Am I really your  _ favwit  _ author?”

 

“Uhh, well, you see…”

 

“Aha, so you  _ lied _ . And this was all an elaborate ruse to get into my bed. Was it comfy though?” He smirks.

 

“You caught me. And yes, it was.” Dan laughs.”And you are up there on the list, don’t worry.”

 

“Oh I’m so relieved. You know, I suspect it would have kept me up every night.”

 

“It’s one of my absolute favorites. And that is high praise coming from me, sir. I have read a lot of books. And I’m noticing I have a unique opportunity to discuss one of my newest favorite books with the author himself.”

 

“That does sound enticing.” Dan says, his mouth full of pancake.

 

“Okay, uh personally, the scene in the book where Sam comes out to his mother actually made me cry.”

 

“What, a big, burly man like you? Couldn’t imagine it.”

 

Phil elbows Dan playfully. “So...this is kinda personal, so I get if you don’t want to answer...but was there a parallel between that scene and your actual coming out?”

 

Dan takes a deep breath. “Uh, well...sort of, I guess? It was less of an awkward experience for Sam. Let’s see I was, what, sixteen? And I had broken my arm, nothing dramatic. Actually, it was really lame. I had an ear infection, so I lost my balance at the top of a flight of stairs. It was pretty bad, uh, I believe they threw around the word ‘shattered’ a lot although it’s hard to recall as I was on medication which made me a bit confused. But I know this bit’s true ‘cause my mum confirmed it. So my mum was sitting next to my bed, holding my hand. We just found out I was going to have to get surgery so they could put some screws in my arm. Anyway, I wasn’t really aware of what I was saying, but out of the blue I asked my mum when the first time she fancied a boy was. She was sort of surprised at first but then went on about some guy called Tom in primary school. And then she asked me why I was so curious all of the sudden. And then I said--and this is apparently a direct quote-- ‘Well that’s nice mum, the first boy I fancied was called Gabe.’”

 

“Oh my god, that’s brilliant.” Phil bursts into laughter.

 

“And I didn’t even realize what I’d said until after surgery she told me about it to see if it was true. So, as you’ve probably gleaned, it wasn’t quite as good or emotional as the story.”

 

“I like your version of events just as much.”

 

“Well, thank you. I’ve got plenty more stories where that came from. But I’m interested in hearing about you, Phil.”

 

“Well, what would you like to know, Mr. I-Fancy-Gabe.”

“Hey! You’d have fancied him too.” He pauses. “So, I know what you do, but what do you  _ love _ to do?”

 

“Well, I love acting, actually. I’ve done a lot of theatre and stuff, nothing professional though. I’m not really very good…”

 

“Nonsense. I bet you’re amazing.”

 

“Yeah well tell that to all the callbacks I didn’t get.”

 

“Phil, would you say I’m a good author?”

 

“Of course!” Phil says incredulously. “One of the best.”

 

“Well,” Dan says, pausing a little for effect, “tell that to all the rejection letters I got from publishers.” Phil looks down at his feet. “If you expect yourself to fail, you will. Trust me. Doubting myself has only ever brought me pain. You just need a little faith.”

 

“Faith in what?”

 

Dan scoffs. “In  _ yourself. _ ”

 

Phil laughs bitterly. “That’s easier said than done.”

 

“I feel like, if this were a musical, this would be the moment I’d break out into song to deliver some inspirational message.”

 

Phil laughs. “What a pity you don’t have anything prepared.” Phil’s eye widen when Dan grabs his hand.

 

“600 pound a month.”

 

“What?”

 

“To live here. To be my roommate.”

 

“That seems awfully low…”

 

“So then you should take me up on it, right? If you can’t afford your flat anymore.” There’s a pleading look in Dan’s eyes.

 

“Okay.”

 

“Okay?”

 

“Yes, I’ll be your roommate.”


	15. summer of nowhere {excerpt}

Chapter 11: Aches and Pains

 

What happened? _I stirred slowly, and with each second I became aware of the intense communal ache each of my body parts seemed to share. It hurt to breathe._

 

_“Sam? Are you awake?”_

 

_“Everything hurts, mum.” I managed to say._

 

_“Oh sweetie…” She was crying, but restraining it for my sake._

 

_“Where am I?”_

 

_“Darling, you were in an accident. You’re in the hospital.”_

 

_I fidgeted slightly under my covers, attempting to get comfortable without tugging on my IV. “What sort of accident?” I asked, suddenly very afraid._

 

_“Sam, when you left the house last night...you were hit by a car. It was just your leg but I don’t know what I would have done, Samuel.” Now she was sobbing. “I’m sorry for being so strict about Aaron.”_

 

_“Mum...please don’t cry. I’m okay.” I winced. “Why does it hurt to breathe?”_

 

_“You’ve broken two ribs.” She says apologetically._

 

_“This is my fault, Mum, not yours. Ok?”_

 

_“Samuel--”_

 

_I attempted to prop myself up on my elbow to speak to her. This not only ended in failure but with a sharp pain. “Ah!” Mum tried to help me but I shooed her arm away. I just lay there on my back and accepted defeat. “Mum, I want to tell you something.”_

 

_She wiped her tears on her sleeve and began to comb through my hair with her fingers. “What is it?”_

 

_“I’m really sorry I said those things about you.I didn’t mean them. I know it’s not your fault Dad left us.”_

_“Oh, Sam.” She pulled me into a tight hug._

 

_“I think you were right to punish me about Aaron.”_

 

_“Sam, I don’t…”_

 

_Tears began to pool in my eyes, partially from all of the pain I felt. I sighed. “I really like Aaron.”_

 

_“I won’t stop you from seeing him, I promise. Good best friends are a rare thing.”_

 

_“No, you don’t understand,” I said in exasperation. “Mum, I...I fancy him.”_

 

_“Samuel, I don’t think I know what you me--”_

 

_“I’m gay.”_

 

_She paused for a moment, processing the information. “You’re sure?”_

 

_I nodded. “I think so.”_

 

_She continued to comb through my hair like before and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “That’s okay.”_

 

_“You’re not upset?” I asked cautiously._

_“Not about that. But why didn’t you tell me before?”_

 

_“I guess I just...didn’t know how. I thought you’d be upset.”_

 

_“Of all the things I could worry about?”_

 

_“I’ll never have a wife or--”_

 

_“Sam, I just want you to be yourself and do what makes you happy, okay? I’m proud of you. Just don’t do anything this stupid again.”_

 

_I laughed and it hurt like hell. “Okay, Mum.”_


	16. Chapter Nine

i apologize for the brevity

 

 

_Dan: Have you begun_

_packing?_

 

_Phil: Yes._

 

_Dan: And when are you_

_due to leave?_

 

_Phil: Friday_

 

_Dan: And today is?_

 

_Phil: Monday, idiot_

  


_Phil: So desperate, this one_

 

_Dan: oi_

 

_Dan: Sorry, a bit jittery._

_On my way to an interview,_

_forgot to tell you_

 

_Phil: Oo can I watch it_

 

_Dan: It’s on BBC not sure which channel though._

_I think it’s going to be live_

_so wish me luck_

 

_Phil: Don’t freeze and forget_

_the plot of your book_

 

_Dan: I’ll try not to_

_Phil: And don’t think too much_

_about the right thing to say. It’ll come to you._

 

_Dan: Thank you_

  


_____

 

“So, Dan, first let me just ask you how does it feel to have amassed such an audience all from this one book,  The Summer of Nowhere?”

 

For a moment, Dan freezes, his mind blank. But he remember what Phil told him and just starts to speak.“Well, simply put, it’s an honor. I’m really pleased with how well-received it has been with the young adult audience. I wanted make something that was relatable but, most importantly, truthful. It’s nice to know that I’ve done my job and accomplished what I set out to do.”

 

“Why was telling this story about two boys important to you?”

 

“It’s a the sort of story I wish that I had in my adolescence, and so I felt like I needed to make something like it to help reassure people in situations like Sam and Aaron.” Dan’s heart rate is becoming elevated and he hopes his current articulation lasts.

 

“This book has gotten a lot of praise, especially from the LGBT community, but there are still groups within that community who believe that your portrayal was invalid because you aren’t LGBT yourself. Why have you yet to comment on this?”

 

 _Okay, breathe._ “I haven’t responded to those sorts of people because their argument is stupid. And to those saying I’m not LGBT, well that’s just an assumption. I haven’t publicly announced my sexuality because I believe it’s a private matter, but also because it’s a very trivial thing that isn’t part of my personality. People who go on making issues like this out of nothing are the same people who when you ask them who they are they say ‘I’m gay’ or ‘I’m transgender.’ That would be that same as saying ‘I’ve got brown hair, that’s the sort of person I am.’”

  


“What a great perspective.” She pauses. “So I’ve got one more question, will there be a sequel?”

 

Dan laughs. “This seems really light-hearted compared to the others. Er, I’m not sure. I’d have to say, probably not, because I don’t really feel like I have anything else to say about them. That’s their story, and I feel like it wrapped up quite nicely.”

 

“Thank you for coming on the show, Dan!”

 

“Thanks for having me.”

___

 

_Phil: Just wonderful, Daniel. I’m applauding._

 

_Dan: How can you do that with your phone in your hand?_

 

_Phil: Metaphorically applauding. In my head._

  


_Dan: Ah, ok_

 

_Phil: Disappointed you didn’t tell me some of those things first_

  


_Dan: There are many more things I can tell you_

 

_Dan: Good thing we’ve got all the time in the world_

 

_Phil: I keep forgetting_

 

_Dan: Mr. Lester I’m so hurt_

 

_Phil: You know what I mean_

 

_Phil: It’s hard to adjust_

 


	17. summer of nowhere {excerpt}

**_I think you're really gonna like this one, guys ;)_ **

_ Chapter 12: sorrowful elation _

 

_ My eyes fluttered open and I found myself awaking in a blissful daze. Every noise was softened, and the usually harsh lights of the room were dulled. There was a warmth in my hand and I smiled, at least I think I did, and made a feeble, incoherent noise. “Hey.” a familiar voice said. _

 

_ It was Aaron. I sat up, a new, feverish excitement overwhelming me. The action usually would have sent pains through my body, but the medicine made me numb in the best possible way. “A-aaron.” _

 

_ “I’m sorry about your leg,”  _

 

_ “I’ll be okay.” _

 

_ He looked down at his shoes. “I don’t get it, though. Why were you out there anyway?” _

 

_ “I wanted to go to the treehouse. My mom said she didn’t want me to hang out with you anymore and  just….I got so mad. So I left.” _

 

_ “I’ll always find a way to hang out with you. I promise.”  I smiled at him, a hopeless, smitten grin. What had I done to deserve such a great...friend? My smile dissipated as fast as it formed as a came to a realization: I really wanted him to kiss me. _

 

_ Even in my drugged haze, the embarrassment bled through. My cheeks felt hot and I would have shoved my face if I could have moved without ripping the tubes from my arm.  A sigh of frustration escaped me.  “Ugh!” _

 

_ “What?” _

 

_ “Nothing.” _

 

_ “Usually when people say that, they don’t mean it.” _

 

_ “What does it matter?” _

 

_ “It matters to me,” he countered, his voice tinged with worry. _

 

_ So, I said the first thing that I thought of, “When I showed you my drawings in the treehouse, you said you liked a boy. Who were you talking about?” _

 

_ “Really?” he said, laughing. “You haven’t figured out that it’s you?” _

 

_ My eyes widened. “But how? I’m so lazy and you’re so adventurous a-and I go nowhere all summer, I just sit and brood and cry because no one likes m-me. I ruin everything.” I didn’t know what was happening, I felt sad and elated at the same time.  _

 

_ “I like you, Sam. you’re so cool, and I’d rather sit and brood and cry and have a summer of nowhere than go adventuring around the world. As long as I was with you.” _

**Author's Note:**

> A collaborative fic by me and my friend. Read on [Wattpad](https://www.wattpad.com/user/articulatepenguins)  
> 


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